Jaxson weighs 3lbs and 14oz today. He is still not gaining weight appropriately, and they have increased his feedings to 35mls of fortified breast milk every 3 hours. We are keeping an eye on his digestive system, as occasionally they are still pulling up undigested milk from his stomach after his feedings. One thing we have been very concerned with for the last two weeks is a horrible condition that all preemie parents are aware of, called NEC. Although Jaxson is doing very well, the nurses are always aware of this condition and keeping a close eye on him, though they have had times of concern of this, he is currently not showing any symptoms. He's doing very well, and he is working hard on getting big and strong! (And Mom and Dad are working on just trying to keep sane!)
We have been practicing "nuzzling" for the last week at every feeding, to try to teach him how to breast feed. Today was the first day that we weighed him before and after, to find out that he had ingested 10mls of milk! What a big man! I couldn't be more proud of him and all of his hard work!
I am getting more comfortable handling him, getting him in and out of his isolette, and holding him. He doesn't seem so sick to me anymore, and somehow feels less "fragile." He did have a SIDs like episode last night when I was holding him to my chest, but the nurses helped me through it, and helped me feel comfortable about how much bigger and stronger he will be by the time he goes home...still....a very scary thing to witness as a mom.
All things considered, I am getting very tired. I am getting tired of being at the hospital and tired of the roller coaster. Maybe it has been because of how this whole year has played out, but I am sick of the ups and downs that is being in the NICU with a premature baby. Emotionally its exhausting, as I find myself going through waves of guilt, why me's, sadness and anger. Either way, I count my blessings and am so grateful that Jaxson is doing so well. We could not have been any more blessed and I couldn't imagine my life without him in it. Said very simply, I am in LOVE.
elizabeth i know how it can be to do the up and down game it really sucks and hopefully you will not have to be there as long as we were. and i remeber playing the blame game specially cause i had done everything the dr had told me to do while pregnant i didnt smoke didnt drink i eat right everything i even had a drs appointment the day before she was born and everything was fine. and sometimes i look at other people who do smoke and do other things while pregnant and have normal healthy babies makes me wonder what i did to deserve this.but there is nothing i can change now. and like you i had some issues when i first got pregnant i had a softball size cist and one overy removed when i was 12 weeks pregnant and almost lost our daughter then so it was a very scary pregnancy for me. i just wish the day she was born i would have known that the cramps i was having were contractions and not cramps at all and maybe i could have maybe stopped her from coming out so early but i cant take it back i just look at her now and thank god for everything turning out all right and that she is now three years old and now the time has flown.
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