Struggles...

I probably wont share this blog post right away...I am not ready too.
Yesterday Jaxson received a new diagnosis and it put me into shock. Apparently I really don't know much about this condition because although its been talked about all through this last year, I thought, "Nah, not him, its something else, he's incredibly social.". I guess I need to educate myself so I can educate others...I know they will feel the same way - "Not Jaxson, it doesn't fit..." But yesterday, a doctor said it does. Luckily I was there through the testing and the doctor talked me through it, what she saw, what was normal, what was not. We get the full results next week. I asked her what her hunch was...I don't know if the test will show her feelings however...We will wait and see.

My heart has been in my throat all night....I don't understand. Am I a hypochondriac or something? How can my child have 4 (that hopefully will be 3 if he out grows his epilepsy) life long conditions that he will always have to struggle with? How can there be 4 different things, not one big thing!? How am I going to help him?! Before you go there, I KNOW how lucky we are. I count my blessings everyday...I am glad hes here with me, struggles and all, but I worry for him, I am sad for his future. Having a child struggle is heartbreaking. He struggled so much in the NICU, I just wish he didn't have to struggle anymore.